Trust Worthy
After a fight, late in the secure darkness of the night my mind begins to wonder. My thoughts begin to stray...
Is she right? Can I even have these thoughts? I mean, how lost are you when you can not even judge your own feelings?
Second guessing yet again, you realize that's not even what you feel. Its a rush of emotion to great to put any other word but numb as a description.
If I were able to be with someone who I could trust then maybe I could talk it over and put a name to what it is that is haunting me and holding me back.
Of course, that is the real idiosyncrasy of the matter isn't it? You have to be able to trust.
And who can you trust? What measures trust? How do you trust? I mean, this here the safety of my thoughts and truth of my words written is the only thing that I truly trust.
I've thought I trusted people in my past but turns out nothing real was there. Or did I just expect to much from way to little? Never the less the illusion faded way to fast.
How do you trust? What is trust? Is it measured after a set amount of time? Or is it circumstances that upon having gone through with someone, leads to a mutual bond and place of respect?
How do you decided with who and how far can you take that bond? There is a reason I ask because I have been taught one thing and yet at the same time truly believed that I felt another.
I trusted my feelings more then the air in my lungs and the ground beneath my feet. Was willing to go anywhere and give up everything because I thought it was pure and true.
To trust that strongly gave my life purpose as damned as it may have been. Only a short while later to see that it turned out not to be what it was. My trust misplaced and my fall, no crash from grace shattering my world.
I doubt everything now... myself and my perception most of all. For me there is still one thing so unsure because if you cant trust yourself, then what can you do???
Is she right? Can I even have these thoughts? I mean, how lost are you when you can not even judge your own feelings?
Second guessing yet again, you realize that's not even what you feel. Its a rush of emotion to great to put any other word but numb as a description.
If I were able to be with someone who I could trust then maybe I could talk it over and put a name to what it is that is haunting me and holding me back.
Of course, that is the real idiosyncrasy of the matter isn't it? You have to be able to trust.
And who can you trust? What measures trust? How do you trust? I mean, this here the safety of my thoughts and truth of my words written is the only thing that I truly trust.
I've thought I trusted people in my past but turns out nothing real was there. Or did I just expect to much from way to little? Never the less the illusion faded way to fast.
How do you trust? What is trust? Is it measured after a set amount of time? Or is it circumstances that upon having gone through with someone, leads to a mutual bond and place of respect?
How do you decided with who and how far can you take that bond? There is a reason I ask because I have been taught one thing and yet at the same time truly believed that I felt another.
I trusted my feelings more then the air in my lungs and the ground beneath my feet. Was willing to go anywhere and give up everything because I thought it was pure and true.
To trust that strongly gave my life purpose as damned as it may have been. Only a short while later to see that it turned out not to be what it was. My trust misplaced and my fall, no crash from grace shattering my world.
I doubt everything now... myself and my perception most of all. For me there is still one thing so unsure because if you cant trust yourself, then what can you do???
♠ ♠ ♠
Random Late Nights