A Near Antonym for Conceited

and i am always picking at the scabs of the past
and i am always tearing out the stitches holding me together
just to make the anguish last
only seeing as it reminds me of a time when things felt more real; more put together
it defines me

and now my thoughts are screaming at me
bouncing around in my head
in what seems like a different language that i cannot comprehend
has my fear and own self-repulsion become the only world i'll ever know?