MY head, MY heart, HIS smile

Just for fun, I said to myself.
I don't NEED love and commitment, I said to myself.
I've been good for so long.
I deserve to have some fun.
I've been loyal.
I've been true.
I've been long term, for way too long.
So I went out, I wasn't looking, just having fun.
When a man approached with a beautiful aura.
The night went by very fast.
"Can I see you again?" Smiling, he asked.
I gave him my name, he found me online.
We arranged to meet up.
"Just for fun", I told myself again.
But as time passes, and the clock tick-toked away the days;
conversations were had, and stories were shared.
The "just for fun" in my head started to fade.
My heart began to take over.
My head began to scream "TAKE COVER!"
"You're gonna get hurt again. Gonna get tossed around. That heart of yours will never get it right!"
My head yells, but my heart silences my mind.
By beating a little faster when I see his face.
By skipping a few beats when he smiles, kisses or touches me.
By making me smile big, when his name pops up on my cellphone screen.
What have I gotten myself into now?
I don't know exactly what it is we're doing.
I haven't had the guts to ask.
Maybe I will just wait and see.
Maybe I'll get lucky, and he'll ask me.