Reason

Nothing made sense.
Maybe I didn't want anything to make sense
because now I have to try,
now I have a reason for things to make sense
and I don't want to let that go.

It's scary though, having something
change in your life so you have to start trying.
You have reason.

It's terrifying and its beautiful
and maybe depending o how things go it'll
stay beautiful
and hopefully it'll always
be terrifying
as well because without the shadow of doubt
without that little reminder that
it could all end,
it won't be beautiful.

That's the thing about reason,
about things making sense
it could be so good.
It could take you to places you'd only dream of
and it could take you to places you'd only have
nightmares about.

The reason is the best thing to happen to you
until it leaves then,
then what happens?
Life doesn't go back to normal,
it turns into worse than normal
so you hope and pray and work your damn ass off
for this reason
and hope
it never leaves.

My reason is in the form of an 18 year old
princess living far from her dream.

It's in the good morning texts that make you smile
before your eyes are fully open,
it's in the whispered 'I wish you were here' and the
'please don't cry'
and every meal we don't share.
It's the hopes that one day I can actually
hold her instead of describing it.

It's in all the small things and big dreams
that I hope my reason will never leave
because nothing made sense before her and now,
now,
I want things to make sense.