I WIll Always Hate You

ALL MY FUCKING LIFE, IT'S TOLD ME I CAN'T
"You're not good enough," it says to me
In that pathetic passive aggressive way of it's
But don't worry, I got the message

DID ANYONE YOU LOVE AND LOOK UP TO TELL YOU YOU CAN'T DO IT?
That you can't climb this monstrous mountain to succeed
You can't cross that massive body of water with a vicious current to get to the other side
Because it'll pull you away, you aren't strong enough to swim against it

AND EVERYTIME YOU FIGHT FOR SOMETHING
You will lose
No matter what it is that you lose, your dignity, pride, or even your life, you will lose
Because you will never have anything dear enough to you to fight for, because you're too young to feel importance

AND EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS UNBEARABLE IS JUST LIKE A LITTLE CUT
Because all pain levels aren't the same, mine must just be insanely low, correct?
Because losing my home and all my memories, doesn't hurt enough to drive you insane
And everytime I mutilated my body, and felt relief, I wasn't bleeding the pain away

IT'S ONE IN A MILLION THAT YOU'LL MAKE IT OUT
With your hopes and dreams all wrapped up
With your love used up
With your head held up

AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE YET
You aren't a lesbian, you just think it's 'cool'
You were never addicted to it, you just wanted attention
You were never hurt, you're perfectly fine

But then you say this,
"I will always love you, SarahBird,"
As if that makes everything okay
No, it will never be okay

Why can't you move already?
You've been pushing me down further and further since I was five
I hate you, for all it's worth
I've always hated you, Dad.