I'm So Sorry Momma

She looks at me, she can't even cry about it anymore
Just states the facts like she doesn't care
But her eyes betray her
I'm sorry Momma
I can't answer your questions with what you want to hear
I don't know what happened to your precious little girl
And I'm unsure of how you got stuck with someone
Who looks like your daughter, and in a physical way is your daughter
Yet who's eyes are dead,
Who's heart is hard,
Who's vision is jaded
I'm sorry Momma
I never meant to be like this
I never was before
I couldn't tell you how it happened,
How suddenly nothing mattered
And the things that used to bring me such joy
Ended up feeling like chores
I'm sorry momma
For being so close but so far away
For losing my passion, my motivation, my love of life
I know you're convinced that I'm still in here somewhere
Trapped in this shell of my former self,
Screaming to be brought back to life.
I'm not as sure as you are.
You've always been stronger than me,
Had more faith than me,
I'm sorry momma
I'm such a let down of a daughter
I know that it's so hard for you
When you did everything right,
Yet everything has turned out to be so wrong.
I love you momma,
More than anyone else in this god forsaken world
And I'm thankful for everyday with you,
And how you can make everything seem like it's going to be okay.
And if you promise to never give up on me,
I swear I will try to get better.
I will ask for help when I need it,
Instead of drowning.
I will beg for help,
When I feel those bad things coming on,
I will work so hard,
To never have to say,
I'm sorry momma
again.