A Long While

It had been awhile since
My knees had dug
Into that worn spot
In the carpet

And my fingers
Clung to the porcelain
That slipped right on
Through my fingers.

It had been about
A month or so
Since I let myself
Be that bad

To see blood spill
From behind my lips
And disappear
Down, down, down

The drain along with
One meal,
Two meals,
Three meals, four.

It had been so long,
So long that I had
Almost forgot
It would smell

On my skin,
In my hair,
And my makeup
Would smear.

And after I had
Stood up,
Wiped my lips
And dusted my knees

I did something else
That I hadn't done in
Such a long while,
Such a long while.

I graced my skin
With an artist's blade
And panicked when
The blood was too much.

Then I did something
I did every night;
I sat on the floor
And sobbed

Until nothing else
Seemed to matter
And the sunrise was
Creeping under my door.