Today of All Days

Out of all the days today I had to find his picture….
Out of all the days today I had to have this vulnerable moment.
I’ve always been proud of how strong I am,
How great of a deceiver and liar I am.
I’ve always held it in.
I put my mask up to walk among the faces of the crowds.
I mask all the hurt, fear, and sadness.

Today of all days it all comes pouring out within me.
So here I am,
Sitting in the dark,
With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.
My fears and insecurities…..
They are my true friends.
Why?
Because I chose this,
Because I’m too fucking stubborn to let it out.
Too stubborn to cry,
Too stubborn to share,
And too stubborn to take off the mask.
Today of all the days I miss him more.

My memories are fading….
I fear someday I will lose him.
Nothing but a face and name to remain within me.
Today I’m weaker than I was yesterday.
But I’ll fight a good fight.
I’ll fight as I always fight with what’s inside of me.
This warrior spirit inside of me!