Long Enough.

Time to end these new beginnings.
Set forth four times, and back four again.
I started with one, and came to many...
Now here I am, myself the friend.

No. I'll never slit two stitched up wrists...
Why try, when I'd rather leak tricks from the throat?
You fucking pussy...
(That's what they'd say.)
But nothing came anyways...but painful chokes.

Achhh....ack.....ahhhghouh....

Eh. The Valium and the blade can go to hell....
Let's pop ten Oxy-co shots, then dance.
No, twenty. No, thirty. Ahh, who cares.
Still threw up everything....
Then shit my pants.

Okay. Alright. You win, coldest Death.
I'm limping now to that last resort.
Three bullets will do the job.
(I've never seen brains, btw...)

So here comes nothing, the final choice....

But wait. Just hold a fucking minute.
Set down the Forty, and click back to safe.
If I'm so fucking tired of life...
Then why is Death not upon my face?

I sound stupid. Selfish. I look and smell like garbage...
But I breathe. I smell. I taste. I think these things.
What about those who have no eyes or right mind....
What about those?
Then who am I?

My feelings, nothing. And theirs cry out....
Someone is suffering, who needs my help.
This is my purpose. They are the matter.
I am nothing....
But only for them.

It will take all ounces of my body...

The soul.
The goodness...
The racing heart.

But I can choose the recovery path,
And set aside my chosen part.

I am weak, but in this mindstate.
Speak such strong words, and my vessel builds tough...
My life has changed. But not for me...

Because I have suffered long enough.