A Pack of Menthols and an Existential Crisis

I am lying in bed
at 4:54 pm
smoking a cigarette
and listening to sad music.
I feel defeated,
and unmotivated to change.
There is a war inside me
between the me
that wants to get up
and accomplish,
and the me
that wants to die here,
after I finish my cigarette
and the song ends.
I begin to realize
I don't even know myself.
And, despite all of this,
I still consider this
one of my
good days.