Bitter White
An overcast, gray-sky looms over me like a warden.
The world is blanketed in one color, in one solemn emotion,
bitter white is everywhere around me, it covers everything.
This emotion is born from the darkest corners of a person’s heart,
born from the ugliest emotion, the ugliest thoughts of self pity
and self hatred, this emotion that grows its strongest in the
moments when we are left alone, in the moments when we
can no longer stand with our own strength, it feeds on the
weakness that we feel deep in the caverns of our lost souls.
This demon that lives and thrives in this ugly yet beautifully
cold, desolate world is something more than just scary and
something that is just too ordinary, this demon is loneliness.
It drops from the sky like shattered pieces of a frozen heart
and rises up from the core of existence like a shadowy reminder.
The sun never graces the horizon in this eternally dark, broken
world that is filled with wandering, hopeless, solitary travelers.
I am one of these travelers, desperately clinging to the remaining
bits of hope and warmth that I hold within my stubborn heart.
I hold on tight to my heart, to myself, because it was the only
thing that I couldn’t afford to lose, my one true possession.
Its true form, its true emotions, is unknown even to me,
because it is hidden in the map-less caverns of my souls.
In this darkened world, in this bitter cold world made up
of the raw emotions I refuse and deny, I have no name to
call out when the bleakness become too much to handle.
No prince charming will come to slay the beast and save me.
The beast is inside me, the beast is me, and the captor
that has imprisoned me in this dismal world is no other than
my own heart, my own soul is chaining me to the demon.
These bonds that hold me do not stop me from feeling a
forbidden feeling, for dreaming of a forbidden wish.
I scarcely allow myself to hope, to dream of a world
bathed in sunshine and covered in the sweetest green.
I fantasize and wish for spring to come, for the bitter white
to disappear like it was all just a bad dream, a silly fear.
I want this dark, ugly world to be graced with the freedom
and warmth of sunshine, I want the flowers to bloom here
in this terrible world, I want the demon of loneliness who
must be so horribly afraid of itself to feel loved and special.
I want this bitter white world to mix with the sweet green
of spring and become something totally captivating.
I want to share this inner world I live in, I want to bare my
heart and my soul to someone…I want to be terrified but
be able to give myself to another and join our two hearts.
I am winter, I am bitter white, I am the demon of loneliness
and I’m searching and wishing for my spring to come,
I will forever be searching for that lovely, sweet green.
The world is blanketed in one color, in one solemn emotion,
bitter white is everywhere around me, it covers everything.
This emotion is born from the darkest corners of a person’s heart,
born from the ugliest emotion, the ugliest thoughts of self pity
and self hatred, this emotion that grows its strongest in the
moments when we are left alone, in the moments when we
can no longer stand with our own strength, it feeds on the
weakness that we feel deep in the caverns of our lost souls.
This demon that lives and thrives in this ugly yet beautifully
cold, desolate world is something more than just scary and
something that is just too ordinary, this demon is loneliness.
It drops from the sky like shattered pieces of a frozen heart
and rises up from the core of existence like a shadowy reminder.
The sun never graces the horizon in this eternally dark, broken
world that is filled with wandering, hopeless, solitary travelers.
I am one of these travelers, desperately clinging to the remaining
bits of hope and warmth that I hold within my stubborn heart.
I hold on tight to my heart, to myself, because it was the only
thing that I couldn’t afford to lose, my one true possession.
Its true form, its true emotions, is unknown even to me,
because it is hidden in the map-less caverns of my souls.
In this darkened world, in this bitter cold world made up
of the raw emotions I refuse and deny, I have no name to
call out when the bleakness become too much to handle.
No prince charming will come to slay the beast and save me.
The beast is inside me, the beast is me, and the captor
that has imprisoned me in this dismal world is no other than
my own heart, my own soul is chaining me to the demon.
These bonds that hold me do not stop me from feeling a
forbidden feeling, for dreaming of a forbidden wish.
I scarcely allow myself to hope, to dream of a world
bathed in sunshine and covered in the sweetest green.
I fantasize and wish for spring to come, for the bitter white
to disappear like it was all just a bad dream, a silly fear.
I want this dark, ugly world to be graced with the freedom
and warmth of sunshine, I want the flowers to bloom here
in this terrible world, I want the demon of loneliness who
must be so horribly afraid of itself to feel loved and special.
I want this bitter white world to mix with the sweet green
of spring and become something totally captivating.
I want to share this inner world I live in, I want to bare my
heart and my soul to someone…I want to be terrified but
be able to give myself to another and join our two hearts.
I am winter, I am bitter white, I am the demon of loneliness
and I’m searching and wishing for my spring to come,
I will forever be searching for that lovely, sweet green.