Rejected God

one night i prayed to Him
for everything to get better
and the next day everything changed.
He must have answered my prayers,
because the timing was perfect,
and nothing could be the same.

as i slipped further and further
into myself
into this depression
into this black hole
self hate and jealousy,
i realize that,
although i feel so close to Him,
i'd rather sing with Satan than believe that
somebody who is supposed to love can hate so much.