Drowning

I sit here on the rail.
The water is flowing below.
My feet dangle into its icy hold.
Until they aren't.

I jump into its frigid embrace.
It consumes my entire body.
It swallows me into its frozen depths.
It fills my lungs, fills my throat.
It numbs everything but my mind.
My mind is racing.
Remembering.

It's remembering the hold of something else.
Something warm. Something loving.
Something full of care.
Something that consumed me in a different way.
Something I still long for,
even though I shouldn't.

But it is only a memory.
Right now, the only thing holding me is the water.
It's dragging me down.
I feel the mud and sand beneath my feet now.
Then against my back.
I lay here on the bottom.
I feel my body shutting down.
My thoughts are slowing.
Slurring.

My eyes are open, and I'm staring.
I can see the light of the sun through the icy water.
I can see everything above me.
The tall grass swaying in the breeze.
The wildflowers dancing right along the banks.

Then there is something else.
Something made up of a light of it's own kind.
It's radiating light.
Pure, white light.
She is staring down on me.
On my drowning body.
She does not reach out a hand to help me.
She just watches.

My eyelids begin to flutter.
It's getting harder and harder to keep them open.
They are like bricks.. so heavy.
I close them, but right before,
right above the surface
I swear I see wings.

The thought crosses my mind,
but it is to late now.
It is to late to be saved.
I am drowning.