On Escape

I don’t remember what we were
before
but I like to think we were happy
and that sometimes you said you loved me
and I could say it back and mean it and be happy
because I loved you and you loved me
and everything was going to be okay.
I like to imagine things that probably never were
and definitely never will be
between us
because all I truly have is now
and now is bruises camouflaging my skin
making me invisible to anyone
but you
and the spare room in our house
ready and waiting
but still empty
and the pills under the bed,
my safety net.

And somewhere along the way
I lost who I was
for who you want me to be
and this person is a stranger and
sometimes she makes me angry
but most of the time
just sad and scared
because that’s all the emotion
I can muster up nowadays.
I want to leave, to pack up my things and run away,
but this stranger has nowhere to go
you’ve made sure of that.

And truthfully,
I stay because
loving you is easier

than loving
myself.