Doors

Have you ever sat inside of your own head? And thought about everything you've ever done wrong? Have you ever been fully conscious of what you've done, but something inside of you hinders you from changing the outcome? Like there is two of you inside of one body. You sit and wonder, think, and dwell. You start to open up doors you've slammed shut and dead-bolted long ago, letting out the ghosts and creepy crawlies that almost make you physically sick. You wonder why you're like this. Why you are the way you are? Are you sick? But you couldn't possibly be, you're aware. But what if you are? Is this what other people feel? You could just be making it up. Doing this for attention. After all, a basic human instinct is the drive and lust for attention. We all want to feel important, loved, admired, desired. But why is it that some crave this more than others? And how come you do and you don't? Is it the two that are inside of you? Why are they so different? Why do you feel so abandoned? So empty? What is it that you're missing? Have you truly thought about it? Thought about why those dead-bolted doors have been shut? Thought about the creepy crawlies that strike cold you with fear and self loathing? Thought about why you're so alone? Have you ever sat in a silent room, buried under thick layers of guilt, regret, pain, and sadness? You feel like you just want end it all. Have you ever thought so hard you exhausted yourself? You think and think. And you live in fear. Because no matter how hard you try, you can never find any answers. And just when you thought you had something, it was ripped away and proven wrong. What is this feeling that you harbor so deep inside of you? Hatred? Fear? Why can you not trust a soul? Why do you feel like such a burden? Why is everything over whelming? Why is it so hard for you, when everyone else makes it look so easy? Why are you so broken down and empty? Why do you feel so used? Why do people leave you behind? Why are you excluded? Why do people not want you? Why are you different, but the same? Is it you? Or is it them? Why are you so hypocritical? Why do you lash out? Why are you hurting? Why are you so weak? Where does it end and where does it begin? What is it that's wrong? Are you sick?