Bulimia

I ate.

Just i purged when no one looked.

Would you want me to starve or purge?

You pick.

I've done both.

I loved the feeling of loosing everything i just ate.

I loved the feeling of puking my guts out.

It gave me a feeling of relief.

I didn't worry after.

It was fine until they started finding out.

They thought it was a big deal.

I thought differently.

But of course I was wrong.

Like always.

When i didn't purge, I'd have multiple anxiety attacks.

That no one would see.

I'd lock myself in my room and stand still while my body would tense up and I'd ball my eyes out at the thought of my gaining weight then cut my stomach fat that I'd wish would disappear .

Don't tell me in "skinny enough"

Don't say "I don't need to loose weight"

Don't comment "then i must be huge"

I hate the way i look.

You like the way i look.

I cant imagine someone liking the way i was.

When i cant even look in the mirror and accept who i was.