Forbidden Words
My heart beat, steady in my chest, begins to pick up the pace.
My hands shake, my fingers tingle, my body quivers.
The cold air prickles my skin, chilling me, and reminding
me that this is not a dream, I am awake and aware.
You walk beside me, warm and strong, smiling.
I glance at your eyes, finding only kindness there.
Kindness mixed with hardship and a belief in no future.
I venture closer to you, one hesitant step closer.
I know I am a fool, my selfish heart knows no bounds.
I can’t bare to keep this burden, this secret hidden.
Lying to you is the hardest thing I have ever done,
and I can’t stand to lie any longer, I can’t stay silent.
I’ve always been silent, I never asked for the comfort
of words from another or for their warmth, I am strong.
I’m not asking for your warmth or the comfort of words.
The truth is the only thing that will ease my aching heart.
I can no longer stare after you and whisper the words.
No longer will I speak these words so softly that no
ears will hear them, they would vanish with the wind.
I breathe deep, for fear that after I utter these words
I simply won’t remember how, is breathing easy?
I stop moving and you turn toward me, a question stare.
Your eyes meet mine and I hold them with my gaze.
My blood pulsing and pounding in my veins heats my skin.
My mouth begins to open and my lips form the words.
The words that I never thought I would say, forbidden words.
I love you. My voice rushes out, spilling and tripping.
Then, in a sudden rush of fear and anxiety, I run.
My legs, aching and tired, carry me faster and faster.
I know I shouldn’t, but I glance behind me, I need to see.
And I do indeed see, I see you take after me in a sudden bolt.
My pace slows, but my insides are screaming at me to run.
Your eyes betray no emotion, no answer to my confession.
My heart and my brain are both crying for different paths.
The decision is mine to make: do I stop running?
My hands shake, my fingers tingle, my body quivers.
The cold air prickles my skin, chilling me, and reminding
me that this is not a dream, I am awake and aware.
You walk beside me, warm and strong, smiling.
I glance at your eyes, finding only kindness there.
Kindness mixed with hardship and a belief in no future.
I venture closer to you, one hesitant step closer.
I know I am a fool, my selfish heart knows no bounds.
I can’t bare to keep this burden, this secret hidden.
Lying to you is the hardest thing I have ever done,
and I can’t stand to lie any longer, I can’t stay silent.
I’ve always been silent, I never asked for the comfort
of words from another or for their warmth, I am strong.
I’m not asking for your warmth or the comfort of words.
The truth is the only thing that will ease my aching heart.
I can no longer stare after you and whisper the words.
No longer will I speak these words so softly that no
ears will hear them, they would vanish with the wind.
I breathe deep, for fear that after I utter these words
I simply won’t remember how, is breathing easy?
I stop moving and you turn toward me, a question stare.
Your eyes meet mine and I hold them with my gaze.
My blood pulsing and pounding in my veins heats my skin.
My mouth begins to open and my lips form the words.
The words that I never thought I would say, forbidden words.
I love you. My voice rushes out, spilling and tripping.
Then, in a sudden rush of fear and anxiety, I run.
My legs, aching and tired, carry me faster and faster.
I know I shouldn’t, but I glance behind me, I need to see.
And I do indeed see, I see you take after me in a sudden bolt.
My pace slows, but my insides are screaming at me to run.
Your eyes betray no emotion, no answer to my confession.
My heart and my brain are both crying for different paths.
The decision is mine to make: do I stop running?