I Will Not Have An "In Memoriam" Page in My Yearbook

I want to live.
I want to enjoy a particularly
beautiful sunrise
and fall asleep content
and dream of pretty things.
I want to be proud of,
or at least okay with,
my size-14 jeans
and who I am as a person.
Every 40 seconds, someone decides
that life is the lesser of two
evils.
I don't want to be them.
I will not make you mourn me.
I will live a full life
full of hopes and dreams and desires
and happiness.
I will find someone
and fall in love with them.
I will have a white picket fence
and a pool and 2.5 kids.
I will remember this,
how I felt when I went mad
when I was too young to know what was right.
I will remember it,
and it will never happen again.