Ballad of a Modern Day Bride

Come all disappointed family and distant friends,
Watch your twenty-three marry her thirty-nine,
A man who dresses my five-year-old in Juicy,
The man who I am sure of, this time

Join us on a slab of sandy beach,
Where I conceived my first child, spring break oh-eight,
To “ooh” and “ah” at my Pinterest-planned wedding,
And whisper about my baby weight

A line of Delta Zetas in fuchsia cocktail gowns,
Their waists adorned with rhinestone sash,
Stand beside bright blooms and glitter banners,
Marveling at my hubby’s cash

Here I come in my vogue off-white dress,
Looped to my hesitant Daddy escort,
Déjà vu rampant in the crowd of blurred faces,
“Wasn’t her last marriage so short?”

“And did you hear what he did at the bachelor party?”
“I will give it nine months or less…”