Forever Lost

My screaming heart made my moving legs pause,
like a fool I stopped running and turned around.
My shy smile was met with a deep-set grimace.
The hope in my eyes began to fade and I could feel
a sharp pain in my chest, I knew what was coming.
I wished for my ears to be deaf, I didn’t want to listen.
I wished for my heart to be fearless and cold again,
but you took that defense from me, you crashed
through my walls and tore through my chains.
Your eyes held kindness and sympathy, trying to
make the words of rejection less harmful, less painful.
But my wishes did not come true, I was able to hear.
I heard the words of my dismissal, the words that
pulled my heart from my chest and ripped through it.
I held the pain inside, I kept my emotions silent and locked.
I expressed my good wishes upon him and the one he loves.
I watched him turn his back on me and walk away, he
walked away without a second glance, without another word.
Years of friendship, years of knowing, years of secrets were
all lost because I spoke those three forbidden words, stupid words.
Although I continue to stand, my face stoic, my emotions collected,
on the inside I have crumbled and fallen to my knees, helpless
tears continue to escape down my cheeks because I have lost
something more important than forbidden words, something that
is even harder to find than love, I lost a dear friend, a hard
built relationship, I’m left on the island of misfit toys, forever lost.