Untitled

I cannot live this way
Obliviously selfish
I cannot wait for someone to save me

It's not going to happen
This isn't some story
I have to save myself
It's not fair for anyone around me
And it's not fair to me

I have to start thinking differently
I have to start thinking of myself as
Beautiful and cool and wonderful
Because if I can't, then who else can?

I have to stop this one man pity party
And get a grip on reality
And stop dwelling on the past
And just try to live the best I can,
Not worrying about comparing myself to others

Because in actuality, it will get me nowhere
Other than in a therapist's office,
Living in my own bubble of selfish self loathing

And all this time,
I had been subconsciously romanticizing
Disorders and things that shouldn't be
Romanticized at all

Problems like that are horrible for the person
And should be treated as such
Rather than as something to be proud of

Real beauty is in the smile
Of someone carefree, and content with life
And although the strength in a fake smile
Is another beauty of its own
It's a completely different thing

Because I know that I would rather
Have the gentle smile of someone who is happy
Than have the bitter sadness
Of one who is not

And I'm sorry if that offends you somehow
But at this point
I really don't care anymore

And that's something that I'm proud of
Because I'm really fucking tired
Of caring too much