Sugar Tears

Some mornings I squeeze my eyes shut.
What is done is done,
What is gone is gone.
Still there are monsters called "what if" and "but".
You were my addiction.
I needed you so much it burned my heart.
Still you are a complete mystery;
Lack a definition.
I wish I had never touched you.
Long I hated the fate.
But I have decided:
We couldn't choose what world had arranged.
You play the lead in the scenes of my nightmares.
I was too fragile to grow on my own,
As you dried and cut my roots,
Holding me to the ground.
I was afraid that you'd be gone,
Wouldn't protect me from the freezing salty wind.
And before long you left.
You didn't forget to send me memories,
Pieces of your self.
I have burned those letters in the darkest flames.
Those boxes you left contain my fears.
I'm no longer afraid of the dark, nor death.
You were the end to me,
The one who made my body hurt and bleed.
You fed off my sugar tears.

One day you'll die of starvation.