Miserable Company
Every fragile frame I own draped with the attic dust of memories,
Quilted in layers of abandoned dreams that saunter when aroused.
They fence in tattered photographs of careless times,
All buried underneath the dried particles of wafting sorrows.
But each memory has been gouged to have no direction,
Intentionally meant to never return into this damaged mind.
They are securely sedated in the unlit loft of our past,
Merely lost in the shadows of suppression.
I'm safe from you like this.
I had made peace, sealed and boxed you away
Alongside a young girl's childish thoughts and naive hopes.
Beneath vinyl records and crumpled pages.
Where your chords would never again be played,
Your rhymes never slipped into unsuspecting ears.
I had stifled you at last,
Asphyxiated you with the very promises you swore.
I had found peace, sealed and boxed you away.
That is where you belonged, where you should have stayed.
But it is there that you awoke.
And you arrived stirring clouds of ash with every stride,
Pulling veils from every frame I had so delicately laid away.
Blanketing me with the filth of your disorder.
And as you violently ripped apart every careful stitch I sewed,
I inhaled you all once more.
Every grain of debris from your broken core,
Seeking refuge in the girl who had sought refuge from you.
You seeped into my lungs and nuzzled into the crevices of my breaths,
And with each I exhaled the strength to lock you away as before.
You are safe from me like this.
I can shriek and wail, but I can't tear you out,
So I feel you in my veins,
Rushing into the chambers of my heart.
Discovering every trace of me entirely,
As you ride the current of each burning throb.
But I can't dig you out.
You are burrowed into my flesh,
In every cell of tissue I want to shred apart.
Converting me into the host for your pathogenic soul.
I feel you thriving in my head,
Shoveling into every nook and fold.
Desperate to find all that I have packed away,
But I can't slice you out.
I can't rip apart my heart for you again.
There is no thread to repair the patches you've torn,
No needle to weave into the holes you've dug.
I'm unwinding but I won't fall apart for you.
Not anymore, not again.
Not like this.
The day will come when you'll want to pour out of my pores,
Evaporate into the same toxic molecules that so easily found entrance inside of me.
You'll disappear underneath the ashes from whence you arose,
and settle back into the fragile frames that you so savagely uncovered.
Satisfaction will be imprinted on your lips,
and you'll return to slumber in the comfort of our unlit loft.
Hibernating until the day arrives for your next assault.
But you'll find that you won't be able to leave,
You'll find that it is I that has seeped into your skin.
And my chains will weigh you down,
As you drown in the current of each merciless throb.
I'll imprison you inside those cells of tissue,
And entomb you underneath the rubble of your demolition.
You'll feel as I have felt,
and you will shriek and wail, but you won't tear out.
You will climb, stumble, and fall,
and claw your hands raw.
But you will stay locked away within my walls.
After all, a host cannot survive without her parasite.
And we'll remain each other's miserable company.
Quilted in layers of abandoned dreams that saunter when aroused.
They fence in tattered photographs of careless times,
All buried underneath the dried particles of wafting sorrows.
But each memory has been gouged to have no direction,
Intentionally meant to never return into this damaged mind.
They are securely sedated in the unlit loft of our past,
Merely lost in the shadows of suppression.
I'm safe from you like this.
I had made peace, sealed and boxed you away
Alongside a young girl's childish thoughts and naive hopes.
Beneath vinyl records and crumpled pages.
Where your chords would never again be played,
Your rhymes never slipped into unsuspecting ears.
I had stifled you at last,
Asphyxiated you with the very promises you swore.
I had found peace, sealed and boxed you away.
That is where you belonged, where you should have stayed.
But it is there that you awoke.
And you arrived stirring clouds of ash with every stride,
Pulling veils from every frame I had so delicately laid away.
Blanketing me with the filth of your disorder.
And as you violently ripped apart every careful stitch I sewed,
I inhaled you all once more.
Every grain of debris from your broken core,
Seeking refuge in the girl who had sought refuge from you.
You seeped into my lungs and nuzzled into the crevices of my breaths,
And with each I exhaled the strength to lock you away as before.
You are safe from me like this.
I can shriek and wail, but I can't tear you out,
So I feel you in my veins,
Rushing into the chambers of my heart.
Discovering every trace of me entirely,
As you ride the current of each burning throb.
But I can't dig you out.
You are burrowed into my flesh,
In every cell of tissue I want to shred apart.
Converting me into the host for your pathogenic soul.
I feel you thriving in my head,
Shoveling into every nook and fold.
Desperate to find all that I have packed away,
But I can't slice you out.
I can't rip apart my heart for you again.
There is no thread to repair the patches you've torn,
No needle to weave into the holes you've dug.
I'm unwinding but I won't fall apart for you.
Not anymore, not again.
Not like this.
The day will come when you'll want to pour out of my pores,
Evaporate into the same toxic molecules that so easily found entrance inside of me.
You'll disappear underneath the ashes from whence you arose,
and settle back into the fragile frames that you so savagely uncovered.
Satisfaction will be imprinted on your lips,
and you'll return to slumber in the comfort of our unlit loft.
Hibernating until the day arrives for your next assault.
But you'll find that you won't be able to leave,
You'll find that it is I that has seeped into your skin.
And my chains will weigh you down,
As you drown in the current of each merciless throb.
I'll imprison you inside those cells of tissue,
And entomb you underneath the rubble of your demolition.
You'll feel as I have felt,
and you will shriek and wail, but you won't tear out.
You will climb, stumble, and fall,
and claw your hands raw.
But you will stay locked away within my walls.
After all, a host cannot survive without her parasite.
And we'll remain each other's miserable company.