Sorry God, I'm nervous.

I spend too much of my life
Being nervous
When a girl my age
Or any age for that matter
Should never have to see the things
I see

Selfish

I love him more
Than I can even explain
We share DNA
Our very blood
And bodies
He is a part of me
And he makes me nervous

Scared

His life is so precious to me
Does he understand yet?
Can it get much worse before it
Finally gets better?
Is it my fault
For worrying
Not trusting God
Panic attacks aren't my idea of fun anyway

Guilt

How can I help him
If she calls
One more time
Or makes him cry
One more fucking time
I swear to
My Father
I will personally
Go find her
Smash her phone into a thousand pieces
And make sure she doesn't
Have another good night's
Complacent sleep
For weeks.

Ridiculous

But I have to leave
For a week
I will unpack my bag
And stay here
With him
While he cries
If it will save his life

And now I'm going
To go panic
Again.