Why Did He Pick Me?

I'm sick.
I know.
But I can't help but wonder.
What did he think when he touched me?
Did he like my body and how breakable I was?
How-palpable and smooth I was?
Did he like how I squirmed under him?
Did he think about how it felt when his heavy hands glided on my soft baby skin?
Did he?
Does he?
Does he still think of me as his cousin?
A niece?
A little sin?
A squeaking mouse?
Though nothing happened to him, is he mad at me for telling?
Does he even remember touching me at all?
His hands on my hips,
His face in my hair,
His hips digging into mine,
with sneaky fingers going down?
Does he remember what he did?!
Why the fuck did it have to be me?
What makes everyone else so fucking special?
These questions run through my head everyday and I can't stand it.
I just want to know, why?
But who do I ask?