Observers
I'm standing in the middle of the room. I can't move but I feel weak and I feel like my legs won't hold me up and could give out at any moment. My breathing is even but very fast paced. My eyes are drooping and they're getting heavier and heavier. I hear footsteps, I hear running and laughing all around me. My eyes have fallen shut, I try to open them but they won't budge. My breathing becomes ragged and my hearts beating faster and faster, feeling as if it'll rip through my chest.
Now I'm outside of my body. I'm looking at myself and I see my chest heaving with each ragged, quick breath. I tilt my head and lean over feeling my own pulse trying to figure out why it's beating at such a rapid pace. I pull back and I'm sobbing violently. But it isn't my body, it's my outer form.
I look around and I see people. Various different types of people of different races and personalities. The only difference between me and them is that they're all smiling and talking to each other. And I'm hear with my self, lost and confused. I notice something I've never noticed before. That the walls of the room are all glass, and it's keeping me separated from everyone else.
My throat tightens as I walk over to one of the people. I'm telling asking them, begging them to come talk to me. To help me find out why I'm feeling the way I am. They shrug me off and continue on smiling and laughing. I try another person. They look at me, longer than the other but they stay silent and then they turn away just like the first. I'm beginning to believe that I'm in this alone. I look back at my self and my jaw is tight and my eyes are squeezed together. I'm wanting to cry but I can't because no one would care,see or hear me. They'll begin to care when they see the burning,small drops of sorrow. But no one else will take a second glance.
I, my outer form, is starting to panic. I'm rushing and trying to find a face that looks caring. I find one and I feel as if I can confide my problems in them. But it's the same as the last. I'm shrugged away yet again. My hope is vanishing, I think. But something catches my eye, I feel someone else's eyes on me and I can't help but turn to them immediately. I'm furious but there are tears rolling down my cheeks and my eyes are sad, even though I feel hollow. I storm over to the person and look them in their emerald green eyes which only makes my tears come faster. I try to hold my anger but I can't and I just end up feeling guilty. This one person looked at me first and I showed nothing but anger. But they smile softly and they talk to me as if we have always done this.
They're trying to tell me something but I won't have it. I disagree and shoot them down, my head a jumbled mess, not allowing me to think straight.
After what seemed like forever I give in on talking and simply press my forehead against the glass that's separating me and this person. My hand rests next to my head and I bang at the glass trying to make out one emotion at a time but I find it impossible. My eyes are shut tight and my hand soon presses flat against the glass. My cold,shaking hand suddenly feels warm. I open my eyes and look to my hand seeing it interlocked with someone else's. When I see who it is I take a step back and realize that the person was now in the room with me instead of on the opposite of the glass.
The person mutters something under their breath and my whole being relaxes. Me and my real form. They pull me into a tight embrace and we stay that way. Just standing there as my breathing evens out but my heart pounds just as fast. Though for a different reason from before. I realize before I was afraid and upset. My heart is beating as fast but it's from my nerves. My stomach is fluttering and turning flips, a smile coming to my lips.
But all good things have an end. They pet my hair and whispers to me things I know but hate to believe. The words are warm and comforting. They warm my heart but rip it apart all the same. I agree simply, it being best and before I know it, the person is now outside of the glass. They spare me one last look before they turn away and they are now smiling and laughing.
I step back and stand in front of myself, my mind focusing on my physical self. My bodies eyes are open and my chest isn't heaving. I don't seem calm I seem more numb than anything. We both turn to look at the people and we realize that we just aren't meant to be on the other side. We are meant to be in this room, this dark...glass room with myself. Just me.
The one person who spared me that last look comes to visit. Though each visit is further and further apart. Now myself and I sit in the cold floor and simply observe, conversing about what people are talking about, what makes them smile or laugh, or scream out in joy.
But that one person is in our thoughts all the time. We still get flustered and sad, happy and have butterflies, we just aren't apart of them anymore. Not how we would have liked,but we cope the best we can and look away when things get to painful to watch. We even smile sometimes when we think we know what one of the outsiders are saying.
We get glances and smiles from the person who took my hand. We manage a smile and swallow our fear and hurt,knowing that it would only upset the other. We are back where we started. Observing everyone's smiles and tears, observing the people comforting each other while me and myself simply struggle through it and try to cope and live on.
Though we'll always only be
Observers..
Now I'm outside of my body. I'm looking at myself and I see my chest heaving with each ragged, quick breath. I tilt my head and lean over feeling my own pulse trying to figure out why it's beating at such a rapid pace. I pull back and I'm sobbing violently. But it isn't my body, it's my outer form.
I look around and I see people. Various different types of people of different races and personalities. The only difference between me and them is that they're all smiling and talking to each other. And I'm hear with my self, lost and confused. I notice something I've never noticed before. That the walls of the room are all glass, and it's keeping me separated from everyone else.
My throat tightens as I walk over to one of the people. I'm telling asking them, begging them to come talk to me. To help me find out why I'm feeling the way I am. They shrug me off and continue on smiling and laughing. I try another person. They look at me, longer than the other but they stay silent and then they turn away just like the first. I'm beginning to believe that I'm in this alone. I look back at my self and my jaw is tight and my eyes are squeezed together. I'm wanting to cry but I can't because no one would care,see or hear me. They'll begin to care when they see the burning,small drops of sorrow. But no one else will take a second glance.
I, my outer form, is starting to panic. I'm rushing and trying to find a face that looks caring. I find one and I feel as if I can confide my problems in them. But it's the same as the last. I'm shrugged away yet again. My hope is vanishing, I think. But something catches my eye, I feel someone else's eyes on me and I can't help but turn to them immediately. I'm furious but there are tears rolling down my cheeks and my eyes are sad, even though I feel hollow. I storm over to the person and look them in their emerald green eyes which only makes my tears come faster. I try to hold my anger but I can't and I just end up feeling guilty. This one person looked at me first and I showed nothing but anger. But they smile softly and they talk to me as if we have always done this.
They're trying to tell me something but I won't have it. I disagree and shoot them down, my head a jumbled mess, not allowing me to think straight.
After what seemed like forever I give in on talking and simply press my forehead against the glass that's separating me and this person. My hand rests next to my head and I bang at the glass trying to make out one emotion at a time but I find it impossible. My eyes are shut tight and my hand soon presses flat against the glass. My cold,shaking hand suddenly feels warm. I open my eyes and look to my hand seeing it interlocked with someone else's. When I see who it is I take a step back and realize that the person was now in the room with me instead of on the opposite of the glass.
The person mutters something under their breath and my whole being relaxes. Me and my real form. They pull me into a tight embrace and we stay that way. Just standing there as my breathing evens out but my heart pounds just as fast. Though for a different reason from before. I realize before I was afraid and upset. My heart is beating as fast but it's from my nerves. My stomach is fluttering and turning flips, a smile coming to my lips.
But all good things have an end. They pet my hair and whispers to me things I know but hate to believe. The words are warm and comforting. They warm my heart but rip it apart all the same. I agree simply, it being best and before I know it, the person is now outside of the glass. They spare me one last look before they turn away and they are now smiling and laughing.
I step back and stand in front of myself, my mind focusing on my physical self. My bodies eyes are open and my chest isn't heaving. I don't seem calm I seem more numb than anything. We both turn to look at the people and we realize that we just aren't meant to be on the other side. We are meant to be in this room, this dark...glass room with myself. Just me.
The one person who spared me that last look comes to visit. Though each visit is further and further apart. Now myself and I sit in the cold floor and simply observe, conversing about what people are talking about, what makes them smile or laugh, or scream out in joy.
But that one person is in our thoughts all the time. We still get flustered and sad, happy and have butterflies, we just aren't apart of them anymore. Not how we would have liked,but we cope the best we can and look away when things get to painful to watch. We even smile sometimes when we think we know what one of the outsiders are saying.
We get glances and smiles from the person who took my hand. We manage a smile and swallow our fear and hurt,knowing that it would only upset the other. We are back where we started. Observing everyone's smiles and tears, observing the people comforting each other while me and myself simply struggle through it and try to cope and live on.
Though we'll always only be
Observers..