forever.

I don't believe that forever really exists.
It's never actually worked out that way, has it?

The first time I said forever was to my boyfriend.
In kindergarten.
When he asked 'How long will you keep stealing my Capri Sun at lunch?'
"Forever."
Until one day he brought a Pacific Cooler flavor
and I knew he just wasn't the one for me.

I often heard my parents use the phrase while driving in the car
going to my grandparents house who I'm sure used to use the same word once
but now can't even be bothered to sleep in the same bedroom
And I dare you
To tell me how that represents forever.

My parents still sleep in the same room.
Only to argue when they think I'm asleep.
They their spend time fighting over things that
"I'll understand when I'm older"
But I under stand them now, mom, because it's been a long time since I've ended a relationship over a juice pouch.

I understand them now.
I understand words like adultery and faithfulness and honesty
And not just because I've seen them on my AP tests
But because they usually follow words like
Forever.

And it seems like Forever ago when we had a family meal without
White knuckles around silverware
And uncomfortable silence.
How are you supposed to explain to your baby sister that
'When mommy and daddy said forever, they really only meant for a while.'
And she cries in your arms and responds with
'There is more than one forever.'
And I've never heard such wise words out of a twelve year olds mouth.

Now I have a boy.
A boy who I call my best friend but want to call
My forever.
Only he calls his girlfriend the same thing.
And when he says
'Best friends forever'
I can't help but cringe because forever

Doesn't exist.
My forever, his forever, your forever,
They don't exist.
They're fictional ideals made to keep your flicker of hope lit
But you can't have hope and faith.
Or Faithfulness.

So I cast away forever like skipping stones
Watching as it bounces lightly out of reach
And then falls.
Never to be seen again.
And I cast my boy away like a shooting star
One that you don't quite have time to make a wish on
And you're left questioning if you even saw it in the first place.

Maybe you did.
Maybe you didn't.
But it can't last forever.