breathe

you always told me i was
"emotionally thrifty"
that I should open up,
let you in for once

but I'm not very in touch
with my emotions
and I think that bothered you,

but you were the closest I ever got.

you didn't realize that I did
every day,
imbedded pieces of myself
in you just so you wouldn't forget

that you were my only exception.

I wanted to let you in,
let you dance along my pores,
amongst the experiences that
have shaped my "me".

I wanted you in it,
I wanted you to see.

but maybe now I see
that maybe that
wasn't such a good idea.

because now I can't
let go of you.
you're in everything I see.

and when I see you with her
and those leftover parts of me,
I can't breathe.