Concrete Cradle

The sickening ways the walls have stared at me,
mocking and teasing,
surrounding me so I'm never free.
They're holding a grey barren glaze,
the cold hardened cement of my prison,
melting in to a cold winter daze.

The walls are now shedding away,
taking memories within the winter grey,
I cry, I want them to just go, but I want them to stay.
Safely encased inside the haunting grey walls,
a shelter, a sanctuary,
a grey blanket in which catches even tear that falls.

I'm out here alone,
my grey cradle has decomposed,
I have to now deal with this pain on my own.
Two roads to take,
where should I go?
to sleep or to wake?

How should I know,
where this journey will lead,
all I know is this, my concrete cradle,
has got to go.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is about me in therapy when I had my eating disorder. I had this disorder because of the girls in my school always being more tiny then I just stopped eating. I wrote this when I was at my worst, 100 lbs. while being 5'3 which is NOT good. The concrete cradle represents how whenever I got depressed I would always "Think maybe I'm getting bullied..because I'm fat." Which was not true, but a mind on an eating disorder thinks differently. Anyways, it represented that is was something I would always run to. One day some one would make fun of me so I would punish myself by not eating. It was a terrible time for me and this poem basically describes this feeling. It was also a major accomplishment in my writing, my psychotherapist I was seeing at the time, read it at a meeting for parents who couldn't understand their child's eating disorder and couldn't get through to them...this poem helped me and others in many ways.