Blood Like Magic

I've got this feeling, that won't go away.
Please, don't fucking ask me, if I'm okay.
It's leaving me raw, it's eating me bare.
This feeling's here to stay, not going anywhere.
I've known it before, felt it's awful kiss,
Like poison apples, stealing my bliss.
Choking me up, tears spilling out.
Why do you ask? You think you know what its about.
You think you know everything,
You think I'm a freak, a slut, a fat "noth-ing".
You think you know, the horrible truth...
You know everything, debunked the wild spoof.
That makes me laugh, straight up at you,
Cause if you knew, you'd hate yourself too.
If you knew how it felt, to cry yourself to sleep,
If you knew what it was like just to ball, and weep.
To cry 'till your hoarse, 'till your sick in the head,
Don't worry, nothing feels worse than this dread.
Cause if you knew how it felt to hate yourself so much,
That you'd sit there, and carve yourself up,
If you knew how it felt, to push 'till you bleed,
To look for some release that you think you need,
And no matter how crimson, how red you get,
You never find answers, no break for you yet.
You won't get there anytime soon,
You won't get there 'till you feel your head swoon,
'Till you feel your heart beat, from the cut on your skin,
'Till you feel that sickness and hatred rolling in,
'Till it becomes so fucking hard to breathe,
'Till you can't remember why you wanted to leave,
Cause if you knew how it felt to make yourself cry,
Cause crying is easier than wanting to die.
Oh, if you knew how it felt to hate yourself,
You'd never begin to put your life on that shelf,
To idolize, and hypnotise,
Honey, you hide behind your fucking lies.
You make girls like me sick, make us worse than we are,
But you go ahead, you ignore that scar.
That one means nothing, neither does that,
Do you finally see what I'm getting at?
You'll never know, you'll never care,
All you'll ever do is gape and stare.
And girls like me, with blood on our fingers,
Where the cuts just keep getting deeper and deeper.
It doesn't matter, I'm just one girl,
What difference can I make in the world...
Tell me, would you even blink?
If I cut so hard, and washed my blood down the sink,
Washed every trace, straight down the drain,
Tell me my suicide is all in vain,
Cause I can't take this feeling any more,
Can't take this feeling, this tally, this score.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
A hundred more could never fucking fix,
This feeling inside, this pain in my head,
Hurry up, I'd be better off dead.
Don't tell me, I'll be okay.
Don't fucking tell me it gets better someday.
Eighteen years, of hearing those words.
Eighteen years, of hiding my burns,
Of making my scars, of drowning my tears,
Of lying and pretending those aren't my fears,
That it gets better, I'm not sick.
It's just a phase, like a nervous tick.
Yet as that blade touches my skin,
It's like a drug, chemicals kicking in.
It burns at first, a sharp bite,
But after a while you get used to the knife.
The pain is matched by the fear,
That stopping won't bring you here.
Bring you to this place of numbness,
Bring you back, a bloody mess.
If you knew how I really felt,
You'd hate yourself too, it'd make your heart melt.
It'd make your blood freeze, make your lungs shake,
Make your lips tremble, make your knees quake.
If you knew how it felt to cut,
You'd never tell me to give it up.
Cause I've got this feeling, that won't go away.
Not until I bleed, the blood cutting the way,
The hollows of my skin, the haunting of my mind.
Don't look there, you won't like what you find.
It's sad, and black, it'll tear you to the ground,
It'll bring all your happiness crashing down.
It'll make you choke, it'll make you cough on your very blood.
It'll make yours eyes cry, like a fucking flood.
Maybe then you'd know,
How it really feels, inside you'll go..
To a world where it hurts more than you'll ever show,
Where blood is your comfort, you're lover's embrace,
Where a smile can hide everything from your face,
Where tears are just the tip of the tongue,
Don't worry hun, you're just young.
It's a phase, an image, a magic show...
More than you could cry, cut, or ever know.
Cause I've got this feeling, that won't go away.
I've got this feeling, and its here to stay.