I Keep Doing This

I keep doing this to myself.
Throwing myself at people
Who I won't be able to be with,
Whether it be because of their own emotions
Or other conditions that get in the way.
I don't know why I keep doing it.
It's not like I enjoy the heartbreak,
Enjoy the tears,
Enjoy the endless longing for a touch,
A kiss,
A smile.
It's not like I enjoy the feeling in my heart
As the one I love
Loves another.
It's not like I enjoy the pain.
Or maybe I do and I'm just scared to admit it.
Whatever the reason,
I hope it stops,
Because I don't know how many more times
I can live through this.