Shutting down

His corpse
Rotting there
Frozen cold
Empty eyes staring up at me
Accusatory, almost
Asking "why?"
Why couldn't I just make him happy?
Why couldn't I just do what he asked,
Without question
Or defiance?
Why couldn't I just be good?
He'd never ask me this questions
Wouldn't even want me thinking them
I do anyway
How do I keep going?
He always took care of me
I don't know how to do it myself
It's too much
I shut down
Shut myself off from my friends
I can't deal with this
Not now
Not yet
I stop feeling
I turn cold as his corpse
Just as I was
When I had first met him
He found me
Broke down the walls
I'd spent so long erecting
Eventually
I'd learned how to be happy again
Our relationship
could have been considered
Codependent
If you knew us
It was unhealthy
The way he needed to take care of me
The way I needed taken care of
It was perfect though
In our eyes
And now he's gone
Forever
And I'm broken
And trying to rebuild the walls
That he
Took
Down