The Grinning Mask

You think you know the torment that I am going through
You say you understand and that you've been there too
But my past is littered with secrets buried in the ground
All the bad that happened when no one was around
All the nights spent crying until I fell asleep
All the days I'd pray to cut a little too deep
I try to focus on tomorrow and the good that will come
But I'm still stuck in yesterday with the pain I'm running from
I cry out to Higher Powers and beg for this to end
Or that they'll wash me clean and let me start again
But when all is said and done we are who we are
And there is no reset button to take away the scars
Then you're left alone to find a reason to live
But you no longer want one you've got nothing left to give
So you struggle on and learn to swim instead of sink
And though you want the poison you choose not to drink
You teach yourself to smile, you teach yourself to laugh
You learn how to hide all things behind this grinning mask
It will cause your heart to bleed and your soul to disappear
And all you will be left with are your wretched tears
But none of this will matter since no one will know
Which is why I keep on smiling while I feel my sorrow grow
And however long I must pretend to really be alive
Is how long I must pretend that I do more than just survive