Just Pay Attention and Maybe You'll Understand

"Why are you depressed?"
Like that's such an easy question to answer.
In all honesty, I really don't know.
I can't quite put my finger on it,
I don't have a reason.
I'm just so alone, so fragile and small.

"You've changed."
Yeah, I know that I've changed.
It happens, I guess. Sometimes I miss the girl I was.
But it happened for a reason.
There's nothing I can do to fight it.

"Where did you lose yourself?"
That's a good question.
Maybe it was under my bed as a child
while I hid from monsters that were all too real.
Maybe it was in the words of strangers
or the long nights spent staring at my ceiling, unable to sleep.
Maybe it was in broken promises.
Maybe it was in the walls I began to build,
in the bridges I burned,
in his words, his ocean eyes.
Or maybe i lost myself in the smell of the rain. In nostalgia.

"Why didn't you let it go?"
I guess I never really wanted to.
I wanted to hold on to the memories. They're all I have left.
I created a sea, I wanted to drown.
I didn't know how to let go.
I didn't just lose a lover. I lost my best friend.
I can't just let go of that,
I needed time, and nobody seems to understand.

"So what happens next?"
That's the real question, I guess.
And the truth is...
I don't know.

And that terrifies me more than anything ever has.