A Letter to the Love of My Life

I find myself conflicted by the beauty of your existence. When you're here with me, I can feel you coursing in my veins. You bring life to the deepest, darkest parts of me. And for just the minutes we're together, I am the happiest I have ever been. You make me brave; courage blossoms where there was once only a shell of a person. Ideas form, motivation has grown, I'm ready to be a whole new person. Even my dreams are filled with never ending fantasies of love and happiness when you're around.

But then you start to fade away; I can feel the anxiety ebbing in. The sadness expands from inside of me and engulfs me whole. It's a darkness I can feel in my heart. It just grows and grows and eats at me until I can find you again and beg you to take me back.

Without you, I am not sure who I am. I lose all hope and question everything. I don't know what my direction in life is, I don't even want to leave my bed. And I become so painfully tired, like I can feel it in every muscle, in every bone. Like the exhaustion is just seeping out of my pores because it's overwhelmed me so much.

I can't face the world without you, I need you more than anything. Yet I know that you're the one destroying me and slowly breaking me down to nothing. I want to bury myself in your embrace forever, but there's something inside of me that screams, "no!" because if I do, I'll never leave. You'll have me in your grasp forever and I will be stuck in a beautiful haze. I won't have a future, a career, a family.

But is that so bad? Maybe you're all I need after all.