Him.

You don’t get it
Okay
I wish I could stop
I do
But I can’t
What’s so good about getting better?
When you still die in the end?
When the one person you wish was happy,
Never is
Because he feels just like you
But he has different ways of coping
I have screaming and crying
And breaking my skin
With sharp objects
Not eating
Writing
He has drugs
Sex
All these gorgeous girls
Throwing themselves at him
(mind you I was once one of them)
Drums
Not eating
His mind is like mine
As are his feelings
His feelings affect me
I feel them as my own, even when we don’t speak
Understand this,
I am a selfish person
With selfish thoughts and needs
And I have only cared so much for him
It brings me no benefit
Yet I still try to help him
He changed me; he made me feel the need to do something for someone else
And not get anything out of it
But pain and wasted efforts.
From confident and desirable
To this
This wreck
This tired, careful, inconsiderate of herself girl
This lonely little girl
Who is desperate to be loved
Yet focused on keeping him safe and ok
This person who is struggling with herself
Her grades
Her addictions
Her nightmares
Her sadness
Loneliness
All by herself
And this is how I live now,
Without you.