Tell Me Now.

Let me go,
and I swear I won't look back.
Just let me know.
I can go
farther
and further
than I have ever gone before.
Say it.
Spit it out.
I wait on your words.
Our love is a shallow one,
just deep as familiarity.
And yet I have another dream
deeper than any reality.
I hold onto unceasingly,
give me all or nothing now.
Make me choose.
Memories I can't erase,
torn between ideology and a practicing theology.
What we have is a ritual,
I tell myself,
nothing more.
Ceremony
pomp
circumstance.
I can't think of a better description than that.
But if you are a theology,
he is purely ideological,
and I'm all the more idolatrous for it.
I feel like I'm living a best case
and dreaming a better one.
But at what point
does an apparition become real,
at what point do I say stop.
End this,
end this hopefulness of hopelessness.
Waiting up late at night,
caught between what is and what could be.
I pretend I'm fine.
Even though I spent all day thinking about you
and musing about him.
Fuck my indecision.
Why do I wait for fate
when all I want is just a question away?
To quote a song I keep replaying,
Quit me or keep me.
A simple question.
Tell me now.