Steps

Steps lead up to a life once known
as the peak of perfection.
But I walk down, afraid of being alone,
trying to find the way up, to be rid of my obsession.

I won't let myself hit the bottom, I'll die before that
although I would enjoy it, a hearty dose of pain.
No matter how bad the odds are stacked
there has to be a step that leads me into rain.

The first step started at the top,
it was beautiful, and I was happy.
The steps dissolved, and I fell like a rock.
The only one who loved me, hated me.

I fell a few stories and got hurt pretty bad
but the pain felt good, I deserved every bit.
I came to a landing, and as I looked up I was sad
I could see where I had been...where I was wasn't it.

Finally a step that was willing to hold
I gave it a try, but my fucking cold
blooded instincts kicked in.

I jumped.

I'm free falling again, and I feel so free
I'm bound only by the laws of gravity.
The end is coming fast, but only if I look
so I close my eyes and I can suddenly see.

Some call it hell, I call it a tropical vacation
nothing like the real hell, I'm not here for sins.
It's a safe place, my place, secluded cloud of pain
it's the one happy place where feelings can't get in.

Time is a convenience and an eventual savior
but I pray to God that He can save her.
I'm sorry for breaking all the hearts...
you see, mine's got no one to live for.

Holding on is overrated, I prefer the mental plunge.
Feel the pain, if you cry you're done.
The toughest of us are those who care
because we're the ones defenseless while the world has guns.