Thoughts

all these thoughts,
gripping me,
tightly wound around my head,
I'm getting lightheaded,

my past,
and all these words,
surrounding me,
flying around my head,

tortured,
and riddled with pain,
oblivious to the wandering eye,
I cry in my solitude,

I reached out for help,
finally after years,
I gave up on holding it in,
still as broken as ever,

the medication is failing,
the people are feeding me lies,
humble, concerned advice,
quickly spurted out in urgency,

your all fake to me,
and you all take pity on me,
I don't need your pity,
I need help,

my past lingers as a weight,
pressing down on me,
making me exhausted, weak,
and I can't shake it off,

my future is mocking me,
promising failure and hardship,
warning it only gets worse,
that I'll be only be shattered once more,

my present grim, uninviting,
all my obligations resting on my mind,
all my mistakes and misfortunes,
that I just walk into,

I don't see much of a point,
in taking on another day,
when the world is so cruel,
when my destiny was written in stone long ago,

clawing at the prison I'm stuck in,
where my thoughts collide and grow,
and the light flickers so dimly,
I'd like to say I'm going insane,
but I'm already there