10:13

there are so many things i forget to write
half drunk
half benzoed
a little stoned, a little ugly under the glow
of fluorescent lights, the kind
that are not kind
to you, the kind that emphasized every
last scar
discolouration
every imperfection underneath these
fake lights
and aren't i just nothing
the imperfect lover that could not
keep it together, right?
is that me?
i heard
you like them crazy but i don't think
you fucking get
what it is to be truly crazy
you're stuck with this romantisized
version of insanity
the kind where you can fix her but
we can only fix ourselves
and most won't, don't want to, are too
tired
you might think you're the one that
keeps me
up at night
but the truth is that guilt is what keeps me
biting at my wrists in my sleep, trying
so hard
to draw blood
this gnawing emptiness in my bones
how i wake
early in the morning
before it's even light out but the birds are
still singing
and it is so quiet, so peaceful
and i want to be a bird
but what if
my wings give out mid-flight?
i want to be a bird
but who says i'm worthy
of any kind of life
regardless?