Regrets

you had me
comfortably in the folds of your palms
hanging off your every word
a noose connected from your mouth
to my neck.

tighter and tighter
with each word I read
tighter and tighter
as I came to believe the lies
tighter and tighter
as I resist the pull to open up that online chat
tighter and tighter
and let you have control of me again.

it has never been me whose shadow lurks
like a lone wolf in your mind,
has it?
skinny pretty babes always steal the limelight
leaving me to sweep up the mess
left on the stage.

somebody needs to tie down anchors
to my fingers
so then maybe I will quit torturing myself
with past conversations
full of hopefulness, dreams,
broken promises,
“i’ll never hurt you” and “i want to spend the rest of my life with you”
its like a stab in the chest
with a blood-stained blunt weapon
knowing nothing you said was ever true.

tighter and tighter
as I remember what I said
tighter and tighter
as I remember what you never did
tighter and tighter
as I see you with her, and she tells me how much she loves you
tighter and tighter
until my face turns blue.

kick away this chair for me
its easier if you do it.
let the rope burn my neck
the crack of my bones echoing through your ears
maybe now you’ll see the damage you’ve caused.