Old Self

I am happy
I really am
But sometimes I still feel like hurting myself
I can’t forget the way the blade felt on my arm
Or the eraser burns
Those are things that I can’t forget.

I’ve had a setback
I was doing so fucking good
Then my mom loses her job which made me lose therapy sessions
Now I feel like my old self
Always thinking of suicide
Of ways to hurt myself.

I can’t lose him though
I can’t lose the way he makes me feel
This is so hard right now.