Cigarette Before Bed

i think about how this day would have been better spent
if i had spent it with you
driving around for hours
and pulling over to look in each other's eyes.

this cigarette might taste sweeter
with your arm around my stomach and your head on the same pillow as mine.

i'm going to lay my head down
and wonder if i'd rather
you text me 40 times because you're so fucked up you might die
or you not text me at all.

regardless can i have a missed call
a missed call from you
to get me through the day?

can i wake up and roll over and see your name appear on the screen?
i swear i'll answer your phone call this time;
i won't ignore them like the other times.

i left my window unlocked; slip in again.
i swear i'll let you in i swear i'll let you in this time;
i won't push you away just this once.