What I feel inside
It's time to officially go on a small journey to find myself.
Time to tear down these layers of insecurities and worries and venture to
remember who I am. To renew my beliefs and strengthen myself physically and mentally
as well as spiritually. I'm not going to be some actor on some life play, I'm just gonna
be me. No more pretending to be who I am for the sake of others. Just flat out my
opinion and my way of doing things.
So this is sort of like a new years resolution.
No more pretending to be nice just so I don't say something hurtful to someone.
No more fearing about what my actions may cause in the future.
No more pointless sacrifices just because it's better that way (for who?, you?).
Resolving old problems I left lingering.
Accomplishing ongoing goals (or at least get one step closer to accomplishing it).
No more being lazy day after day just being at home doing nothing, maybe.
Time to put my mind at ease and stop worrying about those who clearly shows they
don't worry about me as much.
All of these things makes a layer of insecurity year after year, day after day.
It's restrains that kept me from being who I am and also from doing what I love to do.
I want to break these shackles holding me here, I want to be free. I hate having these
responsibilities to him and others. Though he has taken care of me til this day, but it's
not fair to be burden with this. Especially when at times it feels like those who should
the one carrying this cross , doesn't care.
I also hate the fact that I hardly see my own family. I get it , this house isn't as exciting
as it once was, but geez! Visiting a little more often wouldn't kill you. OR taking the time
to spend with your father!
All that aside, I hate how everyone doesn't see there is a problem. Well one individual
sees my feelings inside, and doubt I am telling her the truth when I say that's what I
actually want. To be honest, hearing myself I wouldn't believe me either. But yeah I
make it my goal to change back to the person I once was!
This is pointless and long but it was just dedicated to Jean-Michel Hediwiges Murray.
I want him to wake the hell up and take control of things that are out of control around
him again. I mean really? The years since 2010 hasn't been a jolly year... The years leading
2010 things were out of control! Enough to leave me with a permanent scar on certain things.
BUT not enough to make me forget who I was. 2010 came along and I lost someone very
important to me , and that was where I began to crack under allot of pressure.
I'll leave it till here, there is so much more I want to tell but enough is enough for now.
Time to tear down these layers of insecurities and worries and venture to
remember who I am. To renew my beliefs and strengthen myself physically and mentally
as well as spiritually. I'm not going to be some actor on some life play, I'm just gonna
be me. No more pretending to be who I am for the sake of others. Just flat out my
opinion and my way of doing things.
So this is sort of like a new years resolution.
No more pretending to be nice just so I don't say something hurtful to someone.
No more fearing about what my actions may cause in the future.
No more pointless sacrifices just because it's better that way (for who?, you?).
Resolving old problems I left lingering.
Accomplishing ongoing goals (or at least get one step closer to accomplishing it).
No more being lazy day after day just being at home doing nothing, maybe.
Time to put my mind at ease and stop worrying about those who clearly shows they
don't worry about me as much.
All of these things makes a layer of insecurity year after year, day after day.
It's restrains that kept me from being who I am and also from doing what I love to do.
I want to break these shackles holding me here, I want to be free. I hate having these
responsibilities to him and others. Though he has taken care of me til this day, but it's
not fair to be burden with this. Especially when at times it feels like those who should
the one carrying this cross , doesn't care.
I also hate the fact that I hardly see my own family. I get it , this house isn't as exciting
as it once was, but geez! Visiting a little more often wouldn't kill you. OR taking the time
to spend with your father!
All that aside, I hate how everyone doesn't see there is a problem. Well one individual
sees my feelings inside, and doubt I am telling her the truth when I say that's what I
actually want. To be honest, hearing myself I wouldn't believe me either. But yeah I
make it my goal to change back to the person I once was!
This is pointless and long but it was just dedicated to Jean-Michel Hediwiges Murray.
I want him to wake the hell up and take control of things that are out of control around
him again. I mean really? The years since 2010 hasn't been a jolly year... The years leading
2010 things were out of control! Enough to leave me with a permanent scar on certain things.
BUT not enough to make me forget who I was. 2010 came along and I lost someone very
important to me , and that was where I began to crack under allot of pressure.
I'll leave it till here, there is so much more I want to tell but enough is enough for now.