186 Days
Once again i can not sleep
It seems to slip through my fingertips
Just smock in the wind
The cigarette burs a cherry red
I bring it to my lips
I can hear my inhale burning the paper and tobacco back
In to the back of my throat and down to rest in my lungs
What madness this is
Insanity is the price of sobriety
My mind is just wound up to tight
A sober mind to remind me of why
Why i started drinking in the first place
Lightning to short out the circuits of my brain
Yet no lightning can hit me know
Im ground with a metal pole
Its name is sobriety
186 day
186 days and not one slip
I finger my last chip
Im standing at a podium
"Hello. My name is Erica and im an alcoholic"
'Hello Erica'
Their voices are whispers in my head
"I was nigh when i first blacked out"
Whiskey is such a wonderful thing
They let me talk
But they don't listen
They know i am only talking because the Judge ordered it
Seven breaths
Seven steps and im at the door that leads to the local bar
Whiskey no longer dose it for me
I order a beer
It is tall and the foam slides down the side of the glass
It is a deep drown
The drink of my dome
My hands shake
186 days
Is that all for waist?
I bring my nose down
Breathing in domes smell
As if it were an Oxygen mask and i was just saved from drowning
I am drowning
Drowning is a raging alcohol free ocean
186 days
How much longer can i fight to keep my head above the waves
My body is fighting but my mind is giving up
The harpy smell of the barley and spices fill my nose
They fill my mouth with saliva
DRINK IT!!
My brain screams
It is throbbing
186 days
My hand shakes
I rest it on the glass
It is cool
My head is on the bar table top
It is sticky from the nights rounds
I can see the bubbles of fome rising to the top
DRINK IT!!!
My mind screams again
I brink my head up
Lips to the round edge
A bell rings above the door
186 days
Were they all for waste?
Her face comes back to me
Disappointment
It fills her eyes
Dose her opinion real matter?
She though i would shoot my high school up
Though i would kill her husband
Drown my siblings
She doesn't know me at all
She was the reason i started drinking if the first place
186 days
I haven't heard one word from her
I don't pick up the phone when she calls
I take a sip
If im not dead yet
I won't be alive for long
For if my dome won't take me
Then my fingers will
186 days
I cant function right
I swallow but its only air
Fome never reaches my lips
Just a sigh of hot air
I don't know what i want
To be miserable and sober
Or drunk and happy
I cant lie
Happiness dose not come for me
Not drunk or sober
I fell so stuck
As if the rock of sobriety and the hard place of the liquor store
Are closing in tight
Their at war
And im a soldier with a gun that has no bullets
186 days
Anger is all i have accomplished
Yet anger was what i have always felt
It is just on the services of my skin
Instead of beneath it
A dirt i cant wash off
It seems to slip through my fingertips
Just smock in the wind
The cigarette burs a cherry red
I bring it to my lips
I can hear my inhale burning the paper and tobacco back
In to the back of my throat and down to rest in my lungs
What madness this is
Insanity is the price of sobriety
My mind is just wound up to tight
A sober mind to remind me of why
Why i started drinking in the first place
Lightning to short out the circuits of my brain
Yet no lightning can hit me know
Im ground with a metal pole
Its name is sobriety
186 day
186 days and not one slip
I finger my last chip
Im standing at a podium
"Hello. My name is Erica and im an alcoholic"
'Hello Erica'
Their voices are whispers in my head
"I was nigh when i first blacked out"
Whiskey is such a wonderful thing
They let me talk
But they don't listen
They know i am only talking because the Judge ordered it
Seven breaths
Seven steps and im at the door that leads to the local bar
Whiskey no longer dose it for me
I order a beer
It is tall and the foam slides down the side of the glass
It is a deep drown
The drink of my dome
My hands shake
186 days
Is that all for waist?
I bring my nose down
Breathing in domes smell
As if it were an Oxygen mask and i was just saved from drowning
I am drowning
Drowning is a raging alcohol free ocean
186 days
How much longer can i fight to keep my head above the waves
My body is fighting but my mind is giving up
The harpy smell of the barley and spices fill my nose
They fill my mouth with saliva
DRINK IT!!
My brain screams
It is throbbing
186 days
My hand shakes
I rest it on the glass
It is cool
My head is on the bar table top
It is sticky from the nights rounds
I can see the bubbles of fome rising to the top
DRINK IT!!!
My mind screams again
I brink my head up
Lips to the round edge
A bell rings above the door
186 days
Were they all for waste?
Her face comes back to me
Disappointment
It fills her eyes
Dose her opinion real matter?
She though i would shoot my high school up
Though i would kill her husband
Drown my siblings
She doesn't know me at all
She was the reason i started drinking if the first place
186 days
I haven't heard one word from her
I don't pick up the phone when she calls
I take a sip
If im not dead yet
I won't be alive for long
For if my dome won't take me
Then my fingers will
186 days
I cant function right
I swallow but its only air
Fome never reaches my lips
Just a sigh of hot air
I don't know what i want
To be miserable and sober
Or drunk and happy
I cant lie
Happiness dose not come for me
Not drunk or sober
I fell so stuck
As if the rock of sobriety and the hard place of the liquor store
Are closing in tight
Their at war
And im a soldier with a gun that has no bullets
186 days
Anger is all i have accomplished
Yet anger was what i have always felt
It is just on the services of my skin
Instead of beneath it
A dirt i cant wash off
♠ ♠ ♠
If anyone is struggling with addiction feel free to contact me. I have been struggling with my addiction for years. I know that the 12 steps are not for everyone and no one should struggle alone. I don't fallow the 12 steps. And if i can last 186 days then so can you. Hope is out their if you just look hard enough.