I'm Tired of All These 'Letters to My Daughter'

I used to write a letter to my future daughter an average of once a month
when the cement of memories and lessons were still fresh in my mind,
when the things my own mother had taught me still left prints.
But I have grown tired of playing pretend pen pals
with someone I’m not even sure will eventually exist one day.
Too much “honey” and “sweetheart” and “daisy doll.”
When I was young enough to mistake men’s hands for wings
that would lift me with the touch of a single finger,
I learned I was also young enough to mistake bodies for saving graces.
This is why show and tell is so much more important than tell.
Why soggy pages smelling of sea salt and sleeping pills
are not enough for my daughter, if she should ever arrive,
or for anyone else. If she comes, I won’t be waiting at the front door
with palms covered in poetry anymore.
I will be waiting with split knuckles and an entire solar system in my belly.
I will tear myself apart trying to show her how to be whole.
I won’t write her volumes with archaic metaphors about how
sometimes getting drunk on life is better than with wine and vodka.
Instead, I’ll hold her hair back when she leans over the toilet bowl.
I won’t slip manuscripts of similes and diagrams of her most precious private parts
under her pillow, but instead leave her alone with her own soft skin for a while.
Won’t write her bullshit about being a live wire or an entire universe.
I’ll let her go stargazing by herself and burn from her own electricity.
This is why show and tell is better than only tell-
we need to show our daughters our messiest, our worst, our lowest and best.
We need to be there with our bodies and minds, not just our pens.
And that’s why sometimes, letters aren’t enough.