Maybe 11/19/13
Maybe 11/19/13
I have no motivation to do anything. I rewrite the same to do list everyday. I push everything that is important to the side and in the end it only stresses me out more. Yet I continue. I can’t even focus on doing or enjoying the things that truly make me happy. I feel like I stress everyone out by never getting anything done when I am told. I lie about doing things I should have done, it’s not even laziness it’s something more. It’s not even that I’m putting things off because I have other things more important to do, I just put them off. For no apparent reason. Everyone is disappointed in me and they think I am irresponsible , but they don’t understand. I’m tired of making people feel like shit. I probably sound so typical and clichè , but I’m dying to know if something is actually wrong with me. Is my brain rewired in some strange way. This is a rhetorical question, I don’t even want to know. I don’t really need sympathy because I can’t open up to anyone. If I did, there would be nothing to say anyway. I don’t want to speak or think about explaining my thoughts. Sometimes I just want to do something extreme just to get help because something seems really off these days. Maybe I’ll starve until someone notices I need help , maybe ill run away , maybe I will become a mute, what’s the point ? Maybe ill never know. Maybe I will. Do I even have the time to find out ? Oh right it is the motivation I lack , not the time. Yeah, that’s right.
I have no motivation to do anything. I rewrite the same to do list everyday. I push everything that is important to the side and in the end it only stresses me out more. Yet I continue. I can’t even focus on doing or enjoying the things that truly make me happy. I feel like I stress everyone out by never getting anything done when I am told. I lie about doing things I should have done, it’s not even laziness it’s something more. It’s not even that I’m putting things off because I have other things more important to do, I just put them off. For no apparent reason. Everyone is disappointed in me and they think I am irresponsible , but they don’t understand. I’m tired of making people feel like shit. I probably sound so typical and clichè , but I’m dying to know if something is actually wrong with me. Is my brain rewired in some strange way. This is a rhetorical question, I don’t even want to know. I don’t really need sympathy because I can’t open up to anyone. If I did, there would be nothing to say anyway. I don’t want to speak or think about explaining my thoughts. Sometimes I just want to do something extreme just to get help because something seems really off these days. Maybe I’ll starve until someone notices I need help , maybe ill run away , maybe I will become a mute, what’s the point ? Maybe ill never know. Maybe I will. Do I even have the time to find out ? Oh right it is the motivation I lack , not the time. Yeah, that’s right.