OCD and ME
Check one, check two, check three, four, five.
The door is still locked and now I cry.
It's time to go to work, it's another day.
I drive down the road. Oh shit I forgot to say it.
I turn the car around and leave it running.
Look into the window; make sure the dog didn't get to the door.
Afraid she will escape if I open it; she's not there.
I walk up the stairs."Mom take care of the dog."
"I will..." She sighs, and tries to guess if I'll say it again.
No one understands it; not my Mother and not my friends.
I don't even understand it; not now not ever.
I walk back out the door; get in the car.
I check my lights again; yes they are still on.
I drive back down the road; my day has just begun.
What if the dog gets out of the gate when mom lets her out?
What if she gets sick when I'm not around?
Who will find her if she runs away?
These are just some of the thoughts I have each day.
Tee worries to much; that's what they tell each other.
I cry, I have no choice; I was just born this way.
By the time I get to work; it's busy I have no time to think.
When it's slow and I'm alone that's all I can do.
I look at the phone; I can't help it;
I pick up the receiver and dial the number.
"Hi mom it's just me how is the dog?"
"She's great, she's good; do you worry all day long?"
"No I love you take care of my dog. I'll be home at 10:30."
"I love you and I'll keep and eye on her."
As soon as the call with my mother ends.
I start to worry again.
By the time I get home I'm happy to see;
Not a thing happen.
Another day I worry; for no reason at all.
Other then I can't help it, not at all.
When I get out of the car;
I beep the lock twice to make sure I locked it.
By the time I put it in my pocket,
I must beep it again and prove to myself that I locked it.
I grab my water and take it down to bed.
I curl up with the dog; but the thoughts never end.
The what ifs never stop; thoughts race through my head until I pass out.
I worry in my dreams; this is enough!
Can't control my own mind this really fucking sucks.
I look at the clock it's half past eight;
Just another day; OCD and Me.
The door is still locked and now I cry.
It's time to go to work, it's another day.
I drive down the road. Oh shit I forgot to say it.
I turn the car around and leave it running.
Look into the window; make sure the dog didn't get to the door.
Afraid she will escape if I open it; she's not there.
I walk up the stairs."Mom take care of the dog."
"I will..." She sighs, and tries to guess if I'll say it again.
No one understands it; not my Mother and not my friends.
I don't even understand it; not now not ever.
I walk back out the door; get in the car.
I check my lights again; yes they are still on.
I drive back down the road; my day has just begun.
What if the dog gets out of the gate when mom lets her out?
What if she gets sick when I'm not around?
Who will find her if she runs away?
These are just some of the thoughts I have each day.
Tee worries to much; that's what they tell each other.
I cry, I have no choice; I was just born this way.
By the time I get to work; it's busy I have no time to think.
When it's slow and I'm alone that's all I can do.
I look at the phone; I can't help it;
I pick up the receiver and dial the number.
"Hi mom it's just me how is the dog?"
"She's great, she's good; do you worry all day long?"
"No I love you take care of my dog. I'll be home at 10:30."
"I love you and I'll keep and eye on her."
As soon as the call with my mother ends.
I start to worry again.
By the time I get home I'm happy to see;
Not a thing happen.
Another day I worry; for no reason at all.
Other then I can't help it, not at all.
When I get out of the car;
I beep the lock twice to make sure I locked it.
By the time I put it in my pocket,
I must beep it again and prove to myself that I locked it.
I grab my water and take it down to bed.
I curl up with the dog; but the thoughts never end.
The what ifs never stop; thoughts race through my head until I pass out.
I worry in my dreams; this is enough!
Can't control my own mind this really fucking sucks.
I look at the clock it's half past eight;
Just another day; OCD and Me.
♠ ♠ ♠
When I was younger at the age of 3 I had a obsession with washing my hands. Afterwards my parents took me to a professional who told them I had OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.) That I was a "Washer" As I grew older I out grew being a washer (to a degree) and became a "Checker". I started checking the door of the Apartment when I was 10 over and over; wasn't abnormal for myself to check the door 20 times. If by the time I got upstairs and couldn't remember if it was locked I would have to go back downstairs and check it again (We had a split level apartment.). After a while it got less and less I'd Maybe check the door 3 times a night. I don't know what the compulsive behavior saying something over and over is; but when any of my family would leave I would say "Drive careful, be careful, don't forget to lock the door, I love you I miss you bye." If they came back into the house for something. I'd have to say it over. (This started in 2006 after we had a car accident.) I grew out of that a few years later. I can't say OCD rules my life but I do have problems controlling it. No one understands it. My family likes to laugh at it...they get annoyed when I leave the house and tell them to take care of the dog, check the gates ect...but I just can't help it.