Dec. 30, 2013 - I Tried

I tried to feel calm about this feelings erupting
inside of me, like I was about to fall to the
floor and pass out. That my heart was
beating at a thousand beats per second,
but that's silly because than I'd actually die.
But honestly, I'd rather have that heart
attack feeling than remember your arms
around her waist, your lips upon hers, wonder-
ing if she tasted me on your skin, or inhaled my
once scent that was left on your bed. I
want to think that you know that I still love
you and want you back. That the memories
of us are embedded into my brain, reminding me
that I still can't get over you even though it's been
6 months. That I don't want her holding you, be-
cause I know how much you hate to be touched
when you're upset. Or how you love to sleep in
late and only wake up early to watch Saturday
cartoons. Does she know about your birthmark on
your waist? I used to kiss it, reminding you that's
a beauty on your skin. Do you still think of me
like I think of you? I guess not. I know you
better than I know myself, I tried harder than
I did in school for you, I pushed myself to make
sure I never pushed you away. And what do I
get? You. With someone else. Doing the stuff
I once did with you, and I wonder; does she do
it better than me?