Talks of Needs

I just want to explode,

I can feel my insides stretching, pulling

Expanding within me like a hot air balloon

Taking me away in it, fueled by my anger

By my regret, my guilt, my importance,

Ignorance paired with self consciousness.

Recognizing that forevermore I am just what I am

A Girl, a Student, a struggling creative.

Dependent by a bottom rung,

Reaching up, begging others for what I need

Needs of recognition, of love, or mercy

Desperation in the metaphor of begging for money.

I only wish to exist

Outside of my mind, outside of this time, outside of my town,

I am worth too much more than the confines that are my own

A daughter, a lover, a friend, an achiever.

Erase me as I am, write me as you need, imagine me how you will

Loneliness is a confidence I've come to own.

An ache within my gut,

Perpetually an escapist, forever not myself,

A voice, two voices, now there are hundreds,

All begging to be scripted free.

Too normal, too perfect, to fake,

Freedom lies beneath a set of selected keys.

Merely made of strokes of luck,

A friend far away now,

Being placed into positions I've sought

A work upwards in acts of what I'm not...

Ne'er was I calm, was I creative, was I motivated,

Acts to keep me in comfort of a youth longer gone.

A calm has come, a near sense of peace,

Escapism in the sense of being only me

Words only able to set what's left free,

Something, so shelled, not done with ease.

Crisis in identity, crisis in fidelity, crisis in rigidity.

Expectations falling down the rope, snagging tight.